This is how I lost my best friend

How many of you guys have fallen in love with your bestfriend? I fell in love with my bestfriend in my last year of school. I don’t know about her but I loved her very much. It was almost in the beginning of my class 10 that I became close to this person because we sat together in class. As time went by we started sharing secrets with each other and teased one another. I would help her in any difficult situation even if it meant getting myself in trouble. People called her ugly but for me she was the most beautiful person at that time. I used to follow her everywhere and used to spend most of my time with her. Without even knowing I started to develop feelings for her. I knew that these feelings will one day get our friendship to end, but still I couldn’t help myself but to fall in love with her more and more. Later I decided to hold onto these feelings without her knowing. One day I got sick and decided not to go to school but after classes ended everyone came to me and told me that she accepted a proposal from another guy. I became furious. I got mad and smoked a cigarette to cool my head off. I still remember that because of her I smoked a cigarette after 4 years which was really hard for me to quit. The next day I talked to her clearly and somehow I got her to breakup with that guy. Months went by and it was time for us to get apart from each other, but I had decided to get admission in the same college that she went to. In the last day of school she told me that she wanted to say something to me. I asked her what it was and she said she has feeling for the guy with whom I made her breakup with. I felt like a jerk by breaking up a couple in love with each other. So I asked them to get back together and both of them agreed to it. While they were in a sweet relationship, I hid my feelings for her inside my heart. I could feel our friendship getting distant day by day. After sometime they again broke up. By that time our friendship was weak and she became a completely different person. We didn’t have a normal conversation ever after that. Later I grew closer to the guy she dated and became like best buds with him. He told me that he still liked her so I again helped them to get back together with a heavy weight on my heart. This time they broke up quickly and then she blocked me in all of her SNS. I kept thinking all night about her and I thought about, why did she block me when the two of them broke up? I couldn’t come up with a answer or any theory but I still want to ask her something. If she reads this she will know who she is and I want her to answer one question. What the hell have I done to you? If I’ve done anything wrong I’m sorry 🙏 and take care of yourself dummy and I miss you a lot.